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Trossachs Trawl
AGPU Results Shocker - Blood Red Wine on Carpet
Postie and Scoop were dumped unceremoniously in last night's putsch at the Oink Palladian Palace. The young man-chasing duet finally got their comeuppance - see pages 3,4,5 and 7.
Night of the Long Knives
Not since the Iraqi presedentials has there been such an unexpected outcome to an election.
Postie ousted
An incredulous Postie put a brave face on her removal from office - "those ungrateful bastards, see you I'll get them, everyone of the motherfuckers if it's the last thing I do, I'll make them pay , you see if I do. Cunts!
Scoop dumped
Still in shock after her unexpected removal from office Scoop declined comment but instead attempted self immolation on a late train emulating last week's tragedy on the South Korean underground. Pouring what she took to be an inflammable cocktail (Molotov) of red wine over herself only the quick thinking Weed averted a near disaster by licking her chest. After Marionjuana scrawbed her eyes out a much sober Scoop declared she was humbled by her election to the highest office in the Hash and promptly declared a recount.
Studs o' Stirling Still Standing
Mr U retained his Beer portfolio with ease. Afterwards he was quoted as saying the perks of the job were absolutely necessary if he was to continue sleeping with the GM, Hon Sec or whoever took his fancy. Trolley Dolly, his erstwhile partner in the seedy club scene, was stoic with his easy election return - "at last I get to sleep with the GM".
Young Turk's Triumph - Marionjuana and Oink elated (high)
School marmish Marionjuana was quietly confident she would take charge of the Haberdashery Portfolio. Next week she will be introducing textiles and printing to the curriculum at Inversnaid Primary and we can expect to see her new Spring collection shortly. "A sweat shop it is not!"
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